It's a...

 Girl!

grateful

This is late, but even if Thanksgiving has come and gone, it's never the wrong time to be thankful. List format; no particular order (except the order they decide to come in my thoughts):

1- A very loving, merciful, generous, and attentive Father in Heaven
2- The best helpmeet I could ever have dreamed of, who also happens to be my best friend and soulmate.

3- My darling, hilarious, wonderful J.

4- My family members by blood and by law. Every single one.
5- Those that I have called (and most that I still call) friend.
6- My membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and how it has changed the way I live my life.
7- To be pregnant (no matter what the outcome is), to even have the chance of adding another member to our family is enough. (Yes friends, I am pregnant, 17 weeks at this point. I had planned to announce it on this blog in an oh so clever way but I'm too worn out).
8- The many experiences I have had, am having, and will have in the future that make me a better, more empathetic, and understanding person. The experiences that help me figure out who I really am, what makes me me, and what my purpose on this earth is.
9- This beautiful, ever-changing, painful, inspiring world. It is in sum a beautiful world. I am grateful to be here.
10- Hope, through the one and only savior, Jesus Christ.

The list could go on but for the sake of your time and mine, we'll end it there today.

halloween knight

Thought I'd better post something before October ended... A lot has been happening in our lives lately but before we address all that (if we ever address it), I thought a nice relaxing post of pictures would be just right, and let's face it that's what YOU want too!

Due to some very understandable procrastination on my part I had to throw together a costume for J in a day... luckily it wasn't difficult and probably didn't take more than 2 hours total (including all the trips to Goodwill, Savers, and Joann's).

J wore said costume at a Stake Trunk-or-Treat and tonight when we joined some very awesome friends for dinner and trick-or-treating. Luckily we didn't go with our original costume idea of Hermes because the night air was more than nippy. All our love to you dear friends and family and our hope that you have/had a happy Halloween.

color game

So we often play a color game with J. when we go for walks around the neighborhood. The game is pointing out a car and asking J. what color it is (yeah, really original right? ;) ). He's gotten really good at it, he often mixes up silver and white, but that's an easy mistake.
There is a car that is always parked in our neighborhood and it's a bit tricky so I was hesitant to point it out but one day I did and I got a surprisingly insightful answer. This is the car:

And the answer was without any hesitation: cheese! You might not be able to tell from the photo but that orange color on the top looks A LOT like the color of a nice sharp cheddar. Nice job little guy.  Now whenever we pass it J points out the cheese car.

Another update, J. loves Wallace & Gromit. First time he's ever sat still for an entire 30 minutes (excluding time eating of course), eyes glued to the screen. He has good taste.

Salem---Seoul

Yesterday Adam took a half day and we drove all the way down to Salem, Oregon and back, for a two hour open house. Four hours there, four hours back was a little much. But, it was really wonderful to hear Adam reminisce about his childhood, teenager, and young adult life. It was also really great to see some of the people I had met only briefly at our own open house, meet a few new people, and see the lovely bride and groom.

While there I witnessed J. being bullied by three older kids. I'm going to be honest, I got pretty sassy with those three little boys. A truth, of which I'm not very proud. I let my emotions as a mother get the better of me (don't imagine the worst, I only told them that NO it is not ok to do a judo throw-down on a two year old boy, nor is it ok to be rude to him.) I probably could have scolded them in a more productive way, and I totally forgot to get them to apologize but enough said on that subject.

To end, my Adam is on a plane this very minute half-way across the Pacific on his way to Seoul. I already miss him and it's only been about seven hours. He'll be gone until next Sunday.

Happy Birthday!

I can't believe it's already been two years. Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday that you made your full entrance into our family. How did you grow so much so quickly? We love you little Tweed. We love your fake laughs, your tantrums, your dancing, your hugs. We love it when you "read" the scriptures, sing, and play trains and cars. We love everything you were then and now! I know we both pray that your life will be full, beautiful, and long. Thank you for being ours. Happy birthday little guy.

Off

I don't know quite how to put into words what I've been feeling lately. Melancholy? A little blue, lack luster, off kilter maybe? I can't say.

The sun is out today. The leaves outside the window next to me are moving with every little breeze. They cast shadows that flicker and change here on the couch, then, there on the wall. Every twenty minutes the number 5 bus rumbles past. The cars are more constant. Sometimes their sound is soothing like the lapping of water. They move past quietly, then loud, then quietly again. Repeat.

J is asleep. I am awake. Waiting.

A Poor Example

J Quotes

J- "mama, mama, guess what?"

K- "what?"

... (silence)

I guess he hasn't figured out that you're supposed to continue speaking after you've gotten someone's attention.

J- "go in clouds to see Hannah."

He asks to see Hannah (or Maggie as he sometimes calls her) just about every day.

J- "you drive me crazy."

K- "don't repeat that to anyone!"

Perhaps I have used that phrase in front of him one to many times... gulp.

K- "be patient J.! be quiet J.! shhh!"

J- "no patient! no quiet! no shhh!"

We have been really amazed lately at J's growth in the vocabulary/sentence making department. He's a hoot. He's also quite the little singer. Stay tuned for a video in the near future.

Pictures: Sunday morning stroll on the beach: Golden Gardens, Seattle WA 6/26/2011

Desiderata- Max Erhmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

This poem was first introduced to me many years ago by an art teacher. A crazy, bearded, high-school pottery teacher. He, I think, was frustrated with our class, which was full of rowdy juniors and seniors (mind you I was a junior and far from rowdy, just in case you thought otherwise). Out of the blue he started quoting this at a rapid pace. The class became quiet and listened. After his lecture I asked him what it was. He told me and gave me a copy which I have to this day. Once in awhile I read it. Now you my friends can read it also (if you haven't already that is). I think of this teacher quite often but only when I use watercolors. My watercolor bowl was a bowl he gave me in exchange for one of my prints. So, sometimes when I'm painting I think of Desiderata and highschool...

utah 2011

Some pictures for ya'll. I may or may not post about my recent trip so enjoy the pictures they might be all you get.

Love

I've been experiencing a strange phenomena lately. Now you might wonder what this phenomena could be... or perhaps the title of this post gave you a clue. That's right folks it is love. Not romantic love, or familial love (well perhaps a little), but the more platonic variety. Brotherly love. For me this is a phenomena. Phenomena being described in this instance as an extraordinary event.

I am not a bad person. I have often felt that I might even be a good person but I have not often felt true un-adulterated brotherly love.

For some unexplained reason (or at least unexplained by logic or science) when I have been surrounded by large crowds of strangers (i.e. Disneyland, Lagoon, or visiting a sister-in-law's ward), I have felt this warmth and love for said strangers. A love that makes me feel bound to them. A love that makes me feel they are truly part of me, and I of them, that we are in literal fact, part of one enormous, incomprehensibly large, family. A family with a Father who knows us individually and loves us individually. Who does not see our race, or wealth, or status but loves us regardless of them. Regardless of any of our man-made categories. I hope that with time I can make this phenomena more ordinary. It would be amazing to feel that love for everyone I meet instead of these strange flashes that only occur broadly for a crowd.

Just something I have been thinking about. Ignore this post please and thank you.

with platonic love,

k

By Request...The Weight Room

Adam and I walked down the stairs and entered the dreaded "weight room." There were several men there working out. Not a surprise as it was a Saturday morning. I told Adam that I didn't want to bulk up I just wanted to be strong and toned. My main concerns being arm strength and abdominal strength...especially abs strength as I currently have next to none. He proceeded to take me around the room introducing me to the machines. "This one will work your upper arms and pecks, and when you use it be sure to engage your abs, and release slowly..." well, anyway, you get the picture. We then went over to a machine that has a long bar on which there are several handles for different styles of pull ups. Adam tested it out... though I think he really just wanted to show me his muscles and man strength, he might have also been showing off his height because I required the top step of the stool nearby to reach them. So, I think many girls out there know my plight when facing a pull-up, it's nearly an impossible task (for me it is currently IMPOSSIBLE). While I hung there embarrassing myself a strong looking, well versed in the weight room, black man walked over and said "You shouldn't use that one, go over there and use the chin-up machine." Adam agreed and we went over to it. It looks kind of like this:

Essentially this machine somehow through physics (weights and pulleys I think) makes it easier to do a chin-up (pull-up) or a dip-down. Adam helped me adjust the weights so that the machine would be taking off 85 lbs from my weight while doing pull-ups. I climbed up the steps, carefully stepped onto the foot rests, and began the easiest pull-ups of my life. While the machine made up the difference for the lack of strength in my arms I had a profound thought (to me anyway) that THIS was the atonement. The atonement is the machine that makes it possible for us weak and imperfect humans to rise. While the pull-ups I did were easier with the assistance they were still challenging. But possible. Where before, with out that machine they were not, and would not have been possible for a long, long time, and only after a lot of work. That is the beauty of the atonement in a nutshell. Making something impossible (or nearly so) possible. It was beautiful, there in the weight room, the sweaty, stinky, intimidating weight room. I'm grateful for Adam my husband/weight room instructor and the black man for helping me have such a beautiful moment.

But my deepest and most sincere gratitude is for my savior, Jesus Christ, the only one that can truly make up the difference.

The Y

So, remember a while back when I said I was going to join a gym? Well I did. The YMCA to be precise. When A. and I were considering what gym I should join we were hesitant to chose the Y because it seemed like a very expensive option. We came to the conclusion that for a membership that includes childcare and as many classes as I care to participate in (with no added charge) it was the best deal.

It is now my third month with a membership. I have to say that I am in love (who knew that an hour to myself, for myself, could make such a difference). I was nervous to leave J. for an hour with people I don't know well, and have to trust that he would be okay...thankfully they screen their childcare workers and they are all trained, otherwise this trust thing would have been an impossibility. The days that I go to the Y are marked by a better mood. It's trackable. A. will come home from work now and if I'm a grump his first question is "did you go to the gym today?" Ninety percent of the time the answer will be "rude...but no, I didn't" (there are those days that even an hour at the gym can't compensate for). It is unnecessary to say that A. is very encouraging of my Y excursions, but there, I've said it anyway. The other day A. even came with me and gave me a tour of the weight room... but that is another story for another time.

Some people I love came to visit us. I'm very grateful that they took time away from their various schedules to come for a visit and to babysit! Thank you <3

My Loves

A post from this old piece-o-poo is in my opinion, long overdue. I sit here by my lonesome after a long long day of work while my sweetie is out with a friend, and think to myself how very blessed I am...

My Bride

Katie, I love you. The last four years have blown by in what seems to have been an extended honeymoon. Ironic though, because within this honeymoon of sorts, we have managed to graduate college together whilst living at five different addresses, having a baby, and buy a house, all while having fun and growing along the way. I appreciate you so much and am more amazed by you everyday. I hope I can do right by you sweetie.

So much I could say, but all I can manage in this moment is, you are the reason I wake up in the morning, and the air I breathe.

You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you...

-J-

What can I say, you are my son and I love you as well. Not like I love mommy, but I love you nonetheless. You are a wonderful son and you amaze me with how much you are learning. I love when you are sweet to mommy and I, but you can sometimes be very naughty. I am amazed that your mama can not only watch over you all day long, but can also manage to do four loads of laundry, read, and draw, all within a day... you drive me crazy after 40 minutes. It seems as though every single day you grow bigger in mind and body, and though sometimes I wish it go faster, time itself will no doubt seem to have slipped through your mother and I's fingers in no time at all. I love you buddy.

April 28, 2007

Four years ago today we held hands and took the greatest leap. I trust you, Adam, and I love you.

Yes, it is a children's book. Yes, I am turning 25 next month, your point? If it's a good book it's a good book no matter what the target audience. I thoroughly enjoyed "The Miraculous Journey of Edward Toulane" (by: Kate DeCamillo) and heartily recommend it for all ages. It harks back to the childhood favorite "The Velveteen Rabbit" but in my humble opinion it elevates the story by quite a bit. So, it was not a surprise for the story to begin with a rabbit, but not a velvet rabbit, a rabbit made of china (a far more rigid and breakable substance) whose name is Edward.

Edward's journey takes him many places but the truly miraculous part of the journey is the change that occurs in Edward's heart. I felt a kinship with Edward's attitudes towards love. I believe I have felt, most, if not all of the emotions he experiences on his journey. I think it would be safe to assume that most people will have felt at least a few of them. Truly great books will do that, they will have something that can be related to, which helps the reader connect to the characters, to the story, and ultimately to whatever gem of truth (or truths) found therein. Like Edward I finished the book with the feeling that love is something I will always hope for. Really, who couldn't use more love in their heart? Read it. I do not think it will disappoint.

Disappointed

So my next post was going to be about a watercolor workshop I signed up for.

I just got my new watercolor pad last night! Saturday couldn't come quickly enough.

To my very great disappointment I just received an email...

Watercolor Workshop CANCELLED.

At least I get my money back.

Sigh.

Ignorance may be blissful but...

I have not had access to a bathroom scale for quite some time now... Some of you already know what happened to me the last time I was without one but I feel like telling the story again so skim it if you've heard it enough for your liking.

I was sent to Italy in late spring of 2005. I turned 19 while I was there. I left alone and was there for two weeks with my zia Nella. I had very little to do. The family wouldn't let me go out on my own, I couldn't speak Italian, and the family was busy most of the day so I sat at home in the room I'd taken over from my cousin Nicola. When I wasn't in that room reading or working on an assignment from my dad I was in the kitchen with zia. She fed me a great deal of delicious food for those two weeks (a GREAT deal). Two weeks passed and I was joined by my dad and we went touring around but the damage had been done. A month and half later I returned home to our bathroom scale that wasn't in metrics but far too familiar pounds, and discovered that I had gained 12 pounds. Yes, 12 pounds in a month and a half.

It is true that while ignorant one can remain blissful but once the ignorance is gone I think most people wish that either they had remained ignorant forever or had never been allowed that ignorance in the first place.

So we welcomed to our family a lovely dinosaur of a scale that won my heart at first glance. And here she is.

Yes, I may have to reset the scale to zero after use but she appears to work very well. And was cheaper than a new one! Ignorance be gone!!

Up and up

I was perusing my older sister's family blog the other day. Her latest post was on the mischief her youngest gets into facilitated by his awesome climbing skills. I clearly thought to myself "man, I'm so glad J. hasn't figured out that he can climb onto things like that." Literally the next day what should I see when I came into our living room but this.....

and a little later, this...

I am going to be careful about what I think from now on!

On another note J. has started nursery at church (which believe me has been wonderful! I forgot how much I like church). He really loves it. He's the life of the nursery. He runs into the nursery room (on most occasions) yelling a victory yell. So far we have only had him brought to us once and it was five minutes before church ended anyway. A week or so ago when I went down one of the nursery workers, Ben, told us that during singing time they had been singing a song about ducks. He said that during the chorus all of the little ones were supposed to say "quack, quack, quack" (one of J's first words) but J would say "stuck, stuck, stuck." Ben said that everyone laughed so when he kept doing it they thought J was just trying to be funny (which would not be surprising at all). In fact they later looked down after the chorus and noticed that J's foot was stuck between the legs of two chairs. He was in fact "stuck, stuck, stuck." My boy's no dummy. Well, that's all my lovely readers. For this evening at least. Tune in next time for... hmm... more J. adventures? Most likely.

Sonnet: Ozymandias

I MET a traveller from an antique land

Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command.

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things

The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal these words appear:

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye mighty and despair!"

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,

The lone and level sands stretch far away.

- Percy Bysshe Shelley

I love this sonnet. I heard it not long ago at a poetry reading/musical performance. I love the images that float so clearly across the mind. It also reminded me of the Epic of Gilgamesh for some strange reason. I read more of Shelley's work but this remains one of my favorites. I thought you might enjoy it too.

to: family + friends

happy valentine's day!

naughty

I'm learning not to leave ANY door open for ANY amount of time... I don't know how he can make so much mess in so little time! My only consolation at this point is that he hasn't figured out how to open those doors, but I know it's only a matter of time.

Perhaps a second round of baby-proofing is in order. I love catching him in the act he always tries to leave the scene as fast as possible, or look at me with his elfish mischief-making smile (I'll try to capture it, it's pretty amazing), or another tactic we love is the classic "I'm so cute how can you be mad." He accomplishes this by saying "hug?" several times with arms wide open and waiting. I'm sighing right now. He makes me crazy but I sure love him.

I made two online purchases from the big Es.... Etsy and Ebay. Firsts for both (gasp! where have you been katie?? I know).


My first ever E-bay purchase... and I'm in love. The Etsy purchase is equally lovely... I'll a post a picture when it has found a permanent place... i.e. a wall or counter or some other place.

a few pictures